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Aug. 4th, 2005 05:24 ami was 15. i had a new group of friends that year. the friday before march break we skipped out early and headed to some guy's place to drink. drunk, we headed to the mall.
i was being loud. or obnoxious. or stupid. or all three, who knows. my 3 friends left me with a 6ft tall black guy named diamond (i think it was his house we'd been drinking at) in the food court and told me they'd meet me there in 1/2 an hour.
when they came by 1/2 an hour later they cruised past the table we were sitting at without stopping - my "best" friend (who is, coincidentally, still one of my closest friends) looking at me from the corner of her eyes but i was too drunk still to be able to figure out any coded message. i got up and followed them as they kept walking, figuring they were heading out to the bus and just didn't feel like making it easy for me to stay with them. people get off on "punishing" me for shit, i swear.
when they got to the escalator i wasn't far behind. when i reached the top of it, i saw them running down the last few steps and dashing off. i thought i heard them laughing. i didn't rush - a girl has to have some pride. by the time i got to the bottom they had disappeared.
i didn't know wtf was happening, or even why. i circled the mall once but they were no where. the mall had closed by this time, only moviegoers were left. after an hour, i headed back to the food court. i found diamond again and he thankfully filled me with coffee and a slice of pizza.
my friend had been wearing my new suede jacket (she thought it was cool) when they took off. in the pockets were my student id, bus fare, house keys and any money i might have been carrying. i didn't have a way to get home. not sure how anymore, but i think diamond met a guy he knew who agreed to drive me.
i remember having to buzz up to my mum to let me in to the apartment. i reeked of booze and smokes. my friends had called over an hour before asking where i was (i had told my mum i was with them and when she asked, they denied it). as soon as she started in on me for drinking i let her have it. there was nothing NOTHING she could say or do that would make me feel any more like shit than i already did.
i think she agreed because she stopped talking.
i spent that march break in my room. i refused to talk to anyone about what happened. i refused to listen to any apologetic voice on the phone my mum passed through my door. i wrote suicide notes then ripped them up. i smoked and read and slept. when monday came i didn't go back to school.
at one point my father came into my room to "talk" to me. i still don't recall how this happened. my mum stood at my bedroom door as my father sat on my bed and lectured. about 10 seconds into whatever he was trying to tell me, i realized he had no fucking clue who i was or what i was feeling. that every single word out of his mouth was dripping in bullshit. he got more and more frustrated the more he realized i just wasn't listening. finally, he grabbed my arms/shoulders and started shaking me.
then i just went limp. i could hear him but it didn't matter. i could see him but i stared off into the middle ground of everything. i didn't resist him in any way aside from being silent. it was like everything had become unreal. so wtf did it matter if i interacted?
eventually he gave up and left.
i was being loud. or obnoxious. or stupid. or all three, who knows. my 3 friends left me with a 6ft tall black guy named diamond (i think it was his house we'd been drinking at) in the food court and told me they'd meet me there in 1/2 an hour.
when they came by 1/2 an hour later they cruised past the table we were sitting at without stopping - my "best" friend (who is, coincidentally, still one of my closest friends) looking at me from the corner of her eyes but i was too drunk still to be able to figure out any coded message. i got up and followed them as they kept walking, figuring they were heading out to the bus and just didn't feel like making it easy for me to stay with them. people get off on "punishing" me for shit, i swear.
when they got to the escalator i wasn't far behind. when i reached the top of it, i saw them running down the last few steps and dashing off. i thought i heard them laughing. i didn't rush - a girl has to have some pride. by the time i got to the bottom they had disappeared.
i didn't know wtf was happening, or even why. i circled the mall once but they were no where. the mall had closed by this time, only moviegoers were left. after an hour, i headed back to the food court. i found diamond again and he thankfully filled me with coffee and a slice of pizza.
my friend had been wearing my new suede jacket (she thought it was cool) when they took off. in the pockets were my student id, bus fare, house keys and any money i might have been carrying. i didn't have a way to get home. not sure how anymore, but i think diamond met a guy he knew who agreed to drive me.
i remember having to buzz up to my mum to let me in to the apartment. i reeked of booze and smokes. my friends had called over an hour before asking where i was (i had told my mum i was with them and when she asked, they denied it). as soon as she started in on me for drinking i let her have it. there was nothing NOTHING she could say or do that would make me feel any more like shit than i already did.
i think she agreed because she stopped talking.
i spent that march break in my room. i refused to talk to anyone about what happened. i refused to listen to any apologetic voice on the phone my mum passed through my door. i wrote suicide notes then ripped them up. i smoked and read and slept. when monday came i didn't go back to school.
at one point my father came into my room to "talk" to me. i still don't recall how this happened. my mum stood at my bedroom door as my father sat on my bed and lectured. about 10 seconds into whatever he was trying to tell me, i realized he had no fucking clue who i was or what i was feeling. that every single word out of his mouth was dripping in bullshit. he got more and more frustrated the more he realized i just wasn't listening. finally, he grabbed my arms/shoulders and started shaking me.
then i just went limp. i could hear him but it didn't matter. i could see him but i stared off into the middle ground of everything. i didn't resist him in any way aside from being silent. it was like everything had become unreal. so wtf did it matter if i interacted?
eventually he gave up and left.
