update

been a strange few months starting february i think, but really november. november's when i made decisions gave up the ghost lost my audience and i feel like i've been hiding forever. grew into my mask and shed it fed up with the carapace let's get on with the rest, yes? that was november.

then february and it all comes slinging back like it only just noticed when i let go and seriously this is what it takes would've only taken years ago? but that's how it always goes, no? except for the control the capable and confident except for the inner calm except for november.

long drives in spring getting lost in my sounds, my senses my perceptions, learning what death is - while changing the people around me, consciously like they were directed i swear. ushering out june now and the next's not an end but a bend in direction a different projection spiralling out from november.