i've changed my mind

it didn't surprise me that i found my hand around his fingers while they rested on the table, or that i ran my thumb across his index while he wept his apology. it was odd, though, how still his skin seemed. it felt like i used to when he touched me; pliant and unresistant. he didn't move or react, just continued talking while i wondered what kind of person i am that these fingers don't disgust me.

i felt in control. i felt for him.