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Oper und Drama
Mar. 20th, 2006 09:37 amit's the morning of my opera exam. tony's class.
tony is an asshole. honest and up front about it, but an asshole none the less. he's the kind of prof who locks the door as soon as the clock strikes and takes pleasure in watching the dreary faces trapped in the hall outside. he despises us all and we take it. he teaches 3 of our courses and can fail us out of the program at the drop of a hat.
so yes, the morning of THE BIG EXAM.
i've been studying in the living room for a couple hours and it's time to start getting ready. i go upstairs to shower and dress.
dry and dressed i gather my things and head downstairs for a smoke and a cuppa before having to leave. except i can't open my bedroom door. it's an old house, with old doors and the one for my bedroom had been sticking recently. it's stuck again, the doorknob is loose and won't catch. no biggie, i've been fiddling with this thing for a week or so. i do my little twisty trick that usually works, but no luck. few more times for good measure and the thing comes away in my hand.
no biggie, i can put this shit back together. except, the half of the doorknob that i'm holding is the "female" end and the bit with the guy that turns the lock is on the other side of the door. luckily, the other end is still sitting in place and i can grab the shaft to pull it back so i can re-attach the female end. until i get a grip on it, at which point it slips back from the hole and rests just out of reach on the other side of the door.
i realize at this point that my smokes are downstairs on the coffee table. but i'm not panicking yet.
i don't have time to fiddle with old knobs so i grab my hammer and c-wrench and go at the hinges. i'll re-hang the fucker when i get home. i get the top one out ok, but the other two are covered in 50 years worth of paint. i get the bottom one halfway out before it jams and mash up my knuckles on the middle one before giving up.
as i stand back to assess the situation, i realize i'm stuck in my room. it's funny - until the panic begins. i've got a small window of time before i'm going to be late for my exam. for tony's exam. i've got less than half an hour to get out of the house and on my way to the subway. i don't know what to do.
aside from two cats, i'm alone in the house.
i've left the front door unlocked and there's a shitload of expensive equipment in the living room.
i'm on the second floor. the window in my room looks out over the neighbour's fence/backyard where there are a couple kids playing. there's a small tree.
i can't climb down.
i could call to the kids in the yard to come and open my bedroom door, but the equipment isn't mine and it doesn't seem smart to invite strange kids into the place when i'm trapped.
i could really use a smoke at this point.
thankfully, i have a phone handy. at a loss, i decide to call the school and leave a message for tony explaining the situation - hopefully he'll be merciful and not fail me. when i talk to our admin assistant she laughs at me. heartily. no seriously, i'm fucking trapped in my room and i can't get out and i've got an exam with tony in like 45 mins and please please just let him know - she chuckles. she asks me again to explain, then chuckles more. glad someone's day is amusing. she suggests i call the fire dept. now it's my turn to laugh. i tell her i'm going to try the hinges again but i'll call back if i can't get out.
i call back ten minutes later. i'm out of ideas. i ask her to look up the non-emergency number for the fire dept - she's laughing her ass off as she reads it to me. i hang up on her and dial.
fuck i need a smoke.
the woman on the line at the fire dept also cracks up laughing. she laughs as i tell her my predicament, as i explain what i've tried, as i bemoan my academic career. she laughs again when i tell her it's not an emergency - i just need someone to push the knob back in the hole so i can attach the other end and get the fuck out. she says someone will be over shortly.
i sit and wait and imagine i'm smoking.
a few minutes pass before i hear the distant sirens (not unusual in toronto.) a few more pass as i realize they're getting closer. by the time the wailing parks in front of my house i am mortified - i told her it wasn't an emergency!
i hear a male voice calling up from the front of the house. i direct him to my room and hear him clumping up the stairs. i watch as the doorknob is gently reinserted and the door opens...
to reveal three firefighters in full gear grinning at me from the stairs. i'm surprised they don't have the hose out.
i thank them profusely as my face reddens, run downstairs to grab my smokes and bag and usher them out the front door. there isn't time to wait for them to pull away so i lock the house in front of a street full of curious danforth residents and dash for the subway station.
i actually make it to my exam on time.
tony is an asshole. honest and up front about it, but an asshole none the less. he's the kind of prof who locks the door as soon as the clock strikes and takes pleasure in watching the dreary faces trapped in the hall outside. he despises us all and we take it. he teaches 3 of our courses and can fail us out of the program at the drop of a hat.
so yes, the morning of THE BIG EXAM.
i've been studying in the living room for a couple hours and it's time to start getting ready. i go upstairs to shower and dress.
dry and dressed i gather my things and head downstairs for a smoke and a cuppa before having to leave. except i can't open my bedroom door. it's an old house, with old doors and the one for my bedroom had been sticking recently. it's stuck again, the doorknob is loose and won't catch. no biggie, i've been fiddling with this thing for a week or so. i do my little twisty trick that usually works, but no luck. few more times for good measure and the thing comes away in my hand.
no biggie, i can put this shit back together. except, the half of the doorknob that i'm holding is the "female" end and the bit with the guy that turns the lock is on the other side of the door. luckily, the other end is still sitting in place and i can grab the shaft to pull it back so i can re-attach the female end. until i get a grip on it, at which point it slips back from the hole and rests just out of reach on the other side of the door.
i realize at this point that my smokes are downstairs on the coffee table. but i'm not panicking yet.
i don't have time to fiddle with old knobs so i grab my hammer and c-wrench and go at the hinges. i'll re-hang the fucker when i get home. i get the top one out ok, but the other two are covered in 50 years worth of paint. i get the bottom one halfway out before it jams and mash up my knuckles on the middle one before giving up.
as i stand back to assess the situation, i realize i'm stuck in my room. it's funny - until the panic begins. i've got a small window of time before i'm going to be late for my exam. for tony's exam. i've got less than half an hour to get out of the house and on my way to the subway. i don't know what to do.
aside from two cats, i'm alone in the house.
i've left the front door unlocked and there's a shitload of expensive equipment in the living room.
i'm on the second floor. the window in my room looks out over the neighbour's fence/backyard where there are a couple kids playing. there's a small tree.
i can't climb down.
i could call to the kids in the yard to come and open my bedroom door, but the equipment isn't mine and it doesn't seem smart to invite strange kids into the place when i'm trapped.
i could really use a smoke at this point.
thankfully, i have a phone handy. at a loss, i decide to call the school and leave a message for tony explaining the situation - hopefully he'll be merciful and not fail me. when i talk to our admin assistant she laughs at me. heartily. no seriously, i'm fucking trapped in my room and i can't get out and i've got an exam with tony in like 45 mins and please please just let him know - she chuckles. she asks me again to explain, then chuckles more. glad someone's day is amusing. she suggests i call the fire dept. now it's my turn to laugh. i tell her i'm going to try the hinges again but i'll call back if i can't get out.
i call back ten minutes later. i'm out of ideas. i ask her to look up the non-emergency number for the fire dept - she's laughing her ass off as she reads it to me. i hang up on her and dial.
fuck i need a smoke.
the woman on the line at the fire dept also cracks up laughing. she laughs as i tell her my predicament, as i explain what i've tried, as i bemoan my academic career. she laughs again when i tell her it's not an emergency - i just need someone to push the knob back in the hole so i can attach the other end and get the fuck out. she says someone will be over shortly.
i sit and wait and imagine i'm smoking.
a few minutes pass before i hear the distant sirens (not unusual in toronto.) a few more pass as i realize they're getting closer. by the time the wailing parks in front of my house i am mortified - i told her it wasn't an emergency!
i hear a male voice calling up from the front of the house. i direct him to my room and hear him clumping up the stairs. i watch as the doorknob is gently reinserted and the door opens...
to reveal three firefighters in full gear grinning at me from the stairs. i'm surprised they don't have the hose out.
i thank them profusely as my face reddens, run downstairs to grab my smokes and bag and usher them out the front door. there isn't time to wait for them to pull away so i lock the house in front of a street full of curious danforth residents and dash for the subway station.
i actually make it to my exam on time.
