things i would tell you if it mattered

it wasn't that falling feeling that woke me just before i hit the real sleep. i was awake/aware suddenly and it felt like something had just popped! in my brain. but popped like...hmm...like waking up and wondering who just shut that door loudly but then wondering if the door made a noise or if it was dreamt. i felt the after-affect of a pop!

anyway. i didn't open my eyelids. inside, i could see the monochrome fractals spiralling away into infinity. y'know, the ones you can see clearer if you look at them peripherally? like the ones you see on nitrous, except not so overwhelming and close up. but instead of maybe one swirl or the edge of one, there were three or four from a wider perspective. from "away" they're fluid and liquid and rounded and move into and around one another - but as you follow them in/down they're so intricately ordered and tight. i fell asleep fully, watching them.

i closed my eyes this morning and tried to see them again, but they were gone.

(no subject)

Hagakure - The Book of the Samurai
Yamamoto Tsunetomo

"Shame and repentance are like upsetting a pot of water. When a certain friend of mine listened to the way that a man who had stolen his sword ornament confessed, he felt compassion. If one will rectify his mistakes, their traces will soon disappear."